June 12, 2022

Today, was a rollercoaster of emotions. I went in to help with the removal of the furnace at my dad’s house that burnt to someone I had sold it to for my dad. I hate going to that house it brings a whirlwind of emotion to me, from anxiety, to depression, to dread. Dread because it single handedly destroyed my life. After completing the job, I was on a high because I was super excited to have made money for my dad. So high that I bought us both Cracker Barrel for supper. After supper we went back into his house because I couldn’t get the basement door shut. On the trip in we saw a mama deer trying to get her baby to get up. She never gave up even though her baby was dead. On the way home the same mama deer was still there trying to get her baby to get up. It was an incredibly sad moment that made me get a rush of sadness and empathy for the deer. This baby deer was intentionally hit as it was in the weeds and the brush was driven over. I wish that person would have to tell that deer that they intentionally took her baby away from her. This made me feel get a rush of thought about how my life was destroyed by a fire I am accused of setting and that I didn’t not., but none the less a fire that will undoubtedly change my life forever since the police and prosecutors will not stop until they get what they want. Right now, my mind and body feel like they are in a funk, and I hate to utilize medication to try to get out of it. Is this the depressive state of my bipolar rearing its ugly head or just a slight funk and not something major.