June 27, 2022

Today was a tough mental health day. I can’t shut off the negative thoughts and voices telling me that I will soon lose the one thing that I love and that is school. I currently have extreme anxiety and fear that I will soon lose school. Another thought and voice that keeps going through my head is that I will never be good enough for anyone to want to be my friend or for me to ever find someone that wants to be in a relationship with someone like me. My voice keeps telling me it is time for me to leave this word, but I still have a little fight left in me, but for how much longer I do not know. I do not want to die, but sometime especially lately I see no other option, no one wants to be my friend anymore and no one will ever want to be in a relationship with me. My failure in life is becoming a burden I am starting to be unable to handle. The little bit of hope created by Lauren my therapist gives me a small bit of hope for my life, but that is starting to become not enough to keep me going in life. If only I could find someone life her to be my friend and be in a relationship with. It sucks that I have this mental illness and it sucks even more that it is controlling my life and has put me in the position I am in. I still think with the news everyday of how someone killed their wife or girlfriend that why can’t I find love because I would cherish it unlike those that have chosen to take the life of the person that cares about them. I hope one day, someone that can be in a relationship with me or that can be my friend see the good in me and not all the bad that society has painted me as.

I hope that if someone reads this that they will think twice about choosing to end a friendship and instead think about providing support to someone going through a struggle. What kind of person are you if you abandon someone in your life going through a struggle? Are you truly any better than that person?