June 28, 2022

Today was another tough mental health day. My mind and voice in my head won’t shut off. All I can think about is being a failure and that I will never get the opportunity to be successful in life. I need to continue fight but as every day pass it gets harder to fight. I received a negative comment today, that if I died no one would miss me. The voice in my head keeps telling me it is true that I would not be missed and that I need to just get it over with to make the world a better place for people. It keeps telling me that so many people would experience happiness it I died. I am super nervous to go to therapy tomorrow, because I am beginning to think I am an embarrassment and that she is like all the nurse I sued to work with that trash the patients and the struggles they are going through. Does she care, or does she get humor out of talking to the other therapist about how messed up my life is and how big of a failure I truly am.

Today is class I had a mini anxiety attack because I was unable to locate my organism in the microscope. But I mentally talked myself through it and as I was waiting for a new slide I was preparing to dry, I miraculously found it. O what a relief it was. I am so glad I didn’t completely lose it because my lab partner looks up to me because she thinks I am incredibly intelligent.

Later in the evening I did my usual mental health relief of working on my Lego set. For me building Lego sets is such a relief. But unfortunately, without a job I am not going to be able to purchase another set once I finish this one. So, I will have to find another mental health activity that takes my mind off things.  

Remember to let those that matter to you in your life know it. It is nice to know that someone cares about you. Right now, I do not feel anyone does unfortunately because of being told if I die no one will care.