June 29, 2022

Today was heck of a mental health day. It started out with therapy today. In a change of events my therapist for whatever reason told me I was lying about a situation I was talking about to her that was affecting my mental health. It was totally out of character for her. After though my mind began to wonder was today a view of how she really views me or was there something else on her mind that made her treat me badly. I will never know. I also feared the response she would give me for my gratitude statement I wanted to read to her in a n effort to perform my own gratitude experiment.

Later in the day I found out I am definitely going to lose school, which is a huge downer. I love school and want to make a difference in people’s lives. But that will soon be taken away. My life is about to change, and I have no idea how badly it is going to change, and it scares the heck out me. I still have some hope that outside of my blog that I will find a new day to help other going through a mental health struggle. I pray that someone will eventually be able to see the good in me and give me a chance. But after to today’s therapy I feel like that will never happen.

Overall, l my ability to function is taking a strong hit. I have lost my appetite and will to do anything I enjoy. I have more and more thoughts of suicide. I need to gather the will to fight and to live in the present because I can not control my future. MY future is in the hands of people that want to bury me, and I need to find people that can talk up my character and I have no friends. How did I let my mental illness get so bad that my life has become this?