July 6, 2022

Today was a good mental health day. Better than the recent days have been for me. I had therapy today and got to talk about some of the things that have been affecting my mental health lately and my fear of finding someone who can and will speak about my character. Lauren stepped up the plate again and proved to be an amazing person by offering to speak on my behalf about my character and gains through therapy. Although therapy was good, I still didn’t have enough time to talk about all of my struggles because she had to do mandatory updates on my progress with the goals for my treatment that were set. This was a bummer, but I still left feeling better overall about my mental health. There was a moment today though that I could see in her eyes that she is generally concerned about my wellbeing which brings about positive and negative emotions. Positive because it is amazing that someone cares about my wellbeing. Negative because I can tell my struggles makes her sad. Another amazing moment from therapy today was when Lauren said that I am a nice guy. To me if was a small glimpse into how it would been for someone to generally have nice things to say about me. Going into therapy today I had the intentions of sharing my gratitude statement I wrote up, but time did not allot for me to read it, so Lauren told me to leave it and she would read it and we would discuss It next week. This gave me some anxiety because I still was a little iffy on it and don’t want her to look at me as a weirdo. Two hours after therapy I got an email from her about it, but still don’t have the courage or ability to read it. The thought of reading it makes me anxious and terrified.

Later in the evening I got a call from the person that was my friend and then ended our friendship because people found out she talked to me. She made no mention of it and talked to me like normal. I am very reprehensive of this and don’t understand her motive, seeing as she ended our friendship. I am just going on the motto of treating others how I would want them to treatment regardless of how they treat me. Doing any different would be me being just like them and doing the same thing they do to me that I hate. Treating others poorly is not going to improve my mental health, so I will continue to treat everyone, even those that destroy me is the best possible manner that I am capable of.