August 23, 2022: Mental Illness in the Media

Lots on my mind the last few days, yet I struggled with the ability to put into written words. Struggles with thoughts of will I ever find people that support me despite what the media says about me or what people say about me. Will I find those people to be in my life that don’t care what society thinks of them for being associated with a “horrible person” like myself. Will I ever find someone to spend my life with and have a family. The world that knows me looks at me this I am a monster, a horrible person, for a crime that was committed that there is no recollection of and most certainly was a crime caused by mental health and a failure of the healthcare system that gave me medication that make my symptoms worse.

Is there is something in society that views criminals as either “good criminals” or “bad criminals.” With the bad being murders, rapist, pedophiles, and armed robbers. I look at the newspaper that destroyed me and see tons of articles about crimes that were committed due to what they call a “medical emergency.” With one article discussing a young female that had what they called a “medical emergency” but was a suicide attempt. This young female drove her car the wrong way in a suicide attempt and killed a father, a husband. This a crime of murder, but yet the same paper that ripped me apart for a crime I have no recollection of and most certainly was due to mental illness, downplays this murder as a medical emergency. So why is something that I supposedly did that hurt no one or killed no one scrutinized so much. I am no looking for pity from no one. These are just thought I have as I try to figure out how to view and recognize myself. I struggle to decided to see myself as the newspaper and all my former friends and members of society view me or as someone that had the healthcare industry fail me and possibly committed a crime due to mental illness and wrong medications. I ask myself why do some people get to have their crimes be viewed as a “medical emergency” while others are destroyed and ridiculed by society. A mental illness is a mental illness no matter the person. Every time someone brings up the newspaper, I want to educate them on mental illness and how the media looks for opportunity to sell the most newspapers despite who they hurt or what lives they destroy.

I think often about how strangers view me, because they don’t have a view created by the media or based upon stereotypes or stigmas. I think about how people that used to be my friends look at me as a horrible person, a criminal, someone unworthy of friendship or empathy. I often wonder what the strangers that act kindly toward me and show gratitude or smile and say hi during chance encounters would think if they knew my story with my narrative. Would they be like the friends from my past or would they be like Lauren my therapist someone with empathy and no judgement. I will never know, but I hope for my chances of developing future friendships or relationships they would be like the latter and be empathetic and listen to my story with my narrative, not one created by the media to destroy my life and sell newspapers. The fun thing to me when I used to defend myself to old friends when they brought up the newspapers, was that no matter my narrative or the pointing out of inconsistencies or falsehoods, they still only believed the narrative created by the newspaper, not from the person living the story. I have no reason to lie to people because lying will not allow me the ability to turn the most horrible time of my life into something positive that I can use to help people going through a struggle whether it be a similar struggle or just one with mental illness. I have a story, my narrative, and for those unwilling to hear it they are the ones living a negative life directed by the media and the notions they develop in their minds that ultimately lead to the stereotypes and stigmatization of mental illness in society.