August 25, 2022: First day of my spiritual vacation

Today marked the first day of my mini spiritual vacation of going to the creation museum in Kentucky with the Ark Experience lined up for tomorrow. This was all an O’Dea I cooked up when thinking that I have no control over my life at the moment with my lawyer telling me I have to stick with nursing school instead of taking an amazing job offer. Don’t get me wrong I want nothing more in this world to do nursing school and be able to help people, but I realize that is no longer going to be an option for me and the amazing job offer was for a mental health job where I could help people and do something I am extremely passionate about, that being mental health. This mini vacation came about because I know a hard scenario is in my future with the better alternative of home confinement and the worst alternative jail. Both suck with me having no recollection of committing a crime. Today gave me the opportunity to have many chance encounters and I made it my mission to have amazing encounters that no only leave me feeling amazing, but also put a smile on the other person and give me the feeling I made there day. Despite all the realization from therapy and post therapy yesterday, I know I’m not a bad person, I know I am passionate about people, and I realize all the negative was the result of bullying and my mental illness. I made sure to telling the cashier at the Creation Museum how she made the experience so much better with her uplifting personality and the cashier at Cracker Barrel I was having issues scratching the pin off on my gift card and she helped me get them off so I made sure to let her know how much I truly appreciated it. In all of these interactions,  I didn’t feel fear that I would be misconstrued as a flirt, I was just being me and being genuinely nice and showing gratitude. I know realize through the right meds and therapy how much I truly hate how people generally females label a nice person as a flirt or my favorite if you complement any article of clothing that you are checking them out sexually. Why could I not have realized this eight years ago and put every female that changed me for the worse in their place. I would say that this is a lot in part because of Lauren, but last time I said that to someone I got ridiculed for speaking of having a “relationship” with my therapist and of using the hour as a flirt session to make Lauren uncomfortable. All are total BS because if you see someone every week for over four month, you develop a relationship with them, not a sexual one or a dating one. Why does the word “relationship” always have to be a sexual relationship or dating relationship to ppl in my life past and current. Would I be ridiculed for using the world relationship if I was a female or if Lauren was a male. I think not.