August 28, 2022

Tomorrow marks many occasions, my birthday, and the day that should be the happiest day of my life, the start of nursing school. But, I don’t feel excitement or cheer, no instead I have true feeling related to the state of my life, the realization of doing nursing school be a waste of money, time, and effort since it will soon be taken away from be when I get a criminal record for a crime I have no recollection of. The next few months will be a constant reminder of what could have been. I know it is wrong of me but I ultimately have a feeling of not caring about nursing school reading, work, or even doing it for a semester because I know it will never be. I know my true hardest test will not be nursing school and instead will be the war with my mind of thinking about the reality of my life.

Despite all these negative feelings, I have a small glimmer of happiness in my life today, that being that I did what I told myself I would do, that being taking my mom to see Noah’s Ark and the Creation Museum in Kentucky. I knew she would never see it if I didn’t take her so I made it my goal to do so. With the uncertainty of my future, I figured now was the best time to accomplish this goal. I started reading my book, “The Four Gospels” that my mom got me at the Ark. Only a few pages in, I feel some enlightenment. I realize there is still time to get my life together and with my faith in God I will be able to make a positive difference in this world.

This year’s birthday will probably be another sad birthday of maybe one happy birthday. Hopefully this will be my year to get on the right path and start to make a true difference. My goal for the next year of life are simple, make it another year, continue to share my story and narrative for my life to limit others being able to control the narrative of my life. My final goal is to make one new friend, a friend that supports me and cares about me and one that will never result to bullying to bring me down for their own enjoyment.