August 31, 2022: School anxiety

As I sit in class I can help, but looking around first wondering if the people around me know the narrative the newspaper wrote for my story, my predicament my life has me in and second wishing I could get to know some of the people in my class, but I have the anxiety and fear that they would know about me in the light that was paint for me by others that don’t know me. I can’t tell if it is a result of my bipolar disorder, the events of my life, or my social anxiety or a combination of all of them. Being in my class is a reminder of something I can not have, but something I need to apply myself to for the next 3 months because without applying myself I will surely make a embarrassment of myself. As I look over, I see a girl that look familiar, damn she sued to be a phlebotomist when I worked at the hospital. I pray she doesn’t know about me or I am surely in for a long semester filled with anxiety. As I check my email I see a email from THeMighty.com, with a post from a very active member about how having a mental illness is never an excuse for committing a crime, something I disagree with. The crimes that I am accused of committing, I first have no recollection of, but what I do know is I was misdiagnosed and accepted that misdiagnosis despite my symptoms getting worse, just for the back I wasn’t knowledgeable and didn’t have the support I later did get a proper diagnosis. In my reading for school, I am reading about how people are unwilling to acknowledge they have an illness until someone affirms it for them. Something I can totally relate to, I accepted my diagnosis one for not being knowledgeable, two for not having someone to affirm I wasn’t getting better, and three because based on the response to the doctor I felt what was happening to me was normal and the doctor’s solution of more medications and higher dosages was the answer. I didn’t realize at the time I actually had bipolar disorder and was being given the wrong medications.