September 29, 2022

September 29, 2022, The day that nursing school was taken away from me, the day I saw the cruelty of other people. This day that was the result of someone that I showed no ill will toward taking a newspaper article written about me to the president of the college. It was single handedly one of the most hurtful and rude things someone could do. The took away something I am extremely passionate about, helping others. I knew it was going to come one day, but I always felt it would be on my terms. After the first semester. Never did I think that someone would be so hateful to do it to me. It is obvious they had evil in their blood, but I pray for them. I pray for them because they are not on a righteous path. They have caused so much pain on top of my already pain. This is not all of the ill will toward me today. Today my therapist told me I don’t have bipolar disorder in her eyes, that I am just having normal reactions to life. She told me that I don’t need medications and that I need to just work through what I am going through. This was the first punch to the stomach. For one being diagnosed by someone with no medical background. Being devalued once again. Now I sit here not knowing what my next moves will be. What will I do with my life when everyone wants to take everything away from me. Employment is hard to find with the uncertainty that surrounds my life. Why is there so much ill will toward me when I try to not show any ill will toward others. My life is spiraling, and I have no strength to try to stop it from going down the drain. MY strength was taken from me, and I have been devalued. My story has been told by so many other people that I no longer know my own story. I now sit here questioning my mental illness and is it truly just a reflection on not being able to handle life. Gone are my thoughts because my mind no longer knows what to think. I am truly BROKEN and no one seems to want to help me fix it. I never thought I could be more broken, but then today hit me like a ton of brick. My mind asks me why can’t someone truly hit me with a brick to end all this pain and misconceptions.