August 20, 2022: Gratitude from a stranger

Yesterday, I went to a live auction and afterwards I helped two ladies load their purchases into their cars. It was very fulfilling, and the gratitude they had was amazing. It was nice to receive admiration for something I did instead of hatred towards me. It helped these ladies didn’t know a thing about me or my life, I still feel their admiration and gratitude would have been the same. The gratitude I received was something I have never remember in my life before. I have done many good deeds in my life before for people, usually co-workers, the same co-workers that bullied me, but I was too naive to realize because I just wanted friends no matter the cost. You shouldn’t have to be the comedic relief or a punching bag for friends, you should be someone that they care about and respect. Something I learned too late, and now as a result I have severe social anxiety caused by a fear of judgement that I am just flirting and that I flirt with everyone. My life is in shambles, but I can not let that change the person I am or will be in the future. I can’t let the event happening my life destroy me like I have in the past. I can’t add another mental illness in a time I am starting to make progress with my mental health. No matter how bad my life gets in a time where I have little control, I know that one day I will find people that care about me and show empathy toward me. People that will respect me and never result to bullying me. I am a good person, a compassionate person, someone that has the drive, and determination to make a difference in mental health, and someone that is always willing to lend a hand despite my fear that it will be misconstrued as flirting or having an ulterior motive. I thank both of the ladies that I helped, because there gratitude toward me showed me that people in this world will see the good in me and not always look for the negative.