Bipolar Depression

Today my bipolar depression hit me like a ton of bricks. One minute I playing video games with my dad, the next I am overwhelmed with absolutely no desire for anything. I tried to use my usual coping mechanism of Legos, but no matter what I did I couldn’t find joy in anything. Worse my bipolar depression drifted to a dark place, a place I hate when it goes to. I now sit here thinking about death and the end to the freak moments of joylessness and the inability to do anything due to lack of motivation. I think back to the first week after losing my mom and how people that I have never meet or had a conversation with attacked me. I can’t help but wonder the amazing things these people would say with my passing. However, these is a small piece of me that will never let this come to fruition, mainly my complete lack of motivation to even seek death despite being hated by so many people, many who don’t know anything about me.