Hope

Hope…

Something I pray for. Something I need is my troubling time. Something that get me going through the day.

Hope is something that is tough for me, especially when I am in a constant war with my mind. I have the bipolar side of my brain that sees to always put me back into a reality, sometimes a reality that is not true yet. Then I have the hope side of my brain, the part that gives me hope that no matter how bad my life is right now and no matter the uncertainty surrounding my life, I will conquer. Conquer in a way that I may not see as a possibility right now. My hope gives me a feeling of hopefulness, that I will one day be able to find friends that will be there for me and support me and most importantly never look down upon me. Hope gives a feeling of hopefulness that one day someone will see the great qualities I possess and want to get to know me. Hope makes me feel I will one day find someone amazing. Hope makes me believe that when the dust settles, I will find a meaningful career where I can help people and that someone will be me that second chance I need to get back on my feet. Hope makes me believe that everything Lauren tells me is true. That she doesn’t look at me as a criminal, that there are good women that would give someone with a record a chance, that I will be able to develop a meaningful career that I will be able to help people despite nursing school soon being taken away from me.

Hope is all I got. So many of my former friends have taken that hope away from me, but two amazing women have given me hope that I will be better off then I have ever been soon. Let’s not for forget the sweet nice, and kind female from the auction house that treated me better than any other female has outside of Lauren and Charlene. I pray to God every day to show gratitude for all the amazing things each day. I am truly grateful for all the small things every day. I am grateful for every like and comment I get for any of my posts because they truly come from the heart. Someone just smiling at me in the day, makes me feel a million times better than I did before the action. I just want people to not look down on me anymore and see the great qualities I have to offer. It’s like Lauren said when someone gives me a chance in a relationship, as long as they are deserving, the will never regret there decision because I will truly cherish them.