July 13, 2022

In therapy today, we talked about all the struggles I have been through that have affected me mentally and have truly been the drive forces to create the me of today. Someone with social anxiety because mean girls I worked with were constantly critiquing my interactions with everyone, telling me I am a flirt, whore, a lover boy just because I smiled at someone or had a conversation with them. Now I am so messed up in the head from it that I am afraid to have any interaction with anyone for fear I will be misinterpreted. I am someone that has almost lost it all, and all I want in this world is someone to love me and to have a family of my own. But my life is shit right now and I don’t see a positive outcome and I am too afraid to be misinterpreted and judged that I can even have a conversation with someone that could potentially fill my void. I just want someone to see me for what I am a genuine nice person that would do anything for anyone and would give someone the world if I had the capability to. It is time for a new me to emerge, a new me that doesn’t care what people think of my interactions and someone that never treats someone like my garbage former friends that never wanted to build me up, no they wanted to watch me burn just so they could get themselves off. True friends or love may never come my way, but I will not let that stop me, I will continue to try to change people’s lives with my blog and YouTube. I don’t care if a small number of people see them, because it only takes one person to see it to change that person’s life. I may not have my mental health under control, not I have one hell of a therapist that has not lost faith in me and every week she brings new tools to the table to help me. She doesn’t forget about me and go on to the next person when I leave her office, she instead thinks about me and looks for ways to help me. She is one person in my life that deserves the greatest things to come her way. With Lauren by my side, I will not let every negative person break me further, I will instead become stronger. If it were not for Lauren’s faith in me and her never give up on me attitude, I don’t think I would be writing this blog or be here today. I have seen so much darkness in my life, I feel like it is time for some sunlight.