June 30, 2022

My mental health struggle is getting worse day by day. I have strong feelings of depression, and anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. I feel like I am about to lose everything, my dogs, my home, my life, school. I feel like I no longer have any control over my life. I wish I could regain control before I make a bade decision and take my own life. I wish that I knew how I could still make an impact on mental health and suicide prevention. I wish I could find a way to make a career of helping people going through a struggle. But everyone in the world looks at me like I am trash and will not give me a chance. Will I ever find someone that will give me a chance? I am starting to think that will never happen. Am I just delaying the inevitable of taking my own life? Every night when I try to sleep all I think is how I wish I could not wake up in the morning. Why can’t my medications have an adverse reaction with each other and take my life?

I am going to continue this blog even if no one reads it for hope someday someone will read it and it will change their life. I am also looking to venture into making YouTube videos about mental health topics and my own personal struggle for the hope that it will save a life someday. I just wish I could change the lives of people for the better. I wish I could win the lottery or become successful with my YouTube channel and blog so I could use the money to make a positive impact on people’s lives. Whether it be giving money to a family that’s child is battling cancer or giving a video game console like a Nintendo Switch to a child in the hospital or better yet sharing my love of Lego’s with children in the hospital that are either sick or battling cancer. Legos for me are a way to escape from the world. On the mental health side of things, I wish I could start my own foundation or fundraiser to help those who lost a family member to suicide or for someone that is a suicide survivor. Overall, I just wish I could help end the stigma and provide resources to people going through a struggle.