September 3, 2022: Old friends

Today was the first time, that I saw my former co-worker/ lunch buddy and his twin. I had lost touch with them with everything happening in my life. I was worried going to yard sales today in their neck of the woods for fear I would see them and the fear of not knowing how they would treat me. They treated me like no time had passed and exactly the way they treated me before they retired. Granted I don’t know if they know my story as told by the media or any of my former friends. It was like to have someone that I was really close with treat me like a human being and as a friend. Up to today the only former friend that treated me with any decency was the lady that calls me a lot and that showed up at my house with birthday gifts. It truly was a mental health boaster being treat like a normal person free of judgement. This is how I want the basis of my next group of friends to be with understanding and empathy toward my situation of struggle with mental health. I truly hope after everything is done that, I can find a career where I can help people and that I can find someone to love me for my good qualities and someone that is understanding of my struggles. I still look around at couple and females and think that I am not good enough of a person or deserving enough to have what random couples have or for any female to ever what to get to know me and give me a chance. Bipolar Disorder is a bitch especially with a new diagnosis and the start of a journey on learning how to handle and control my mental illness.  

Medication wise my body still feels like it is in a manic struggle being masked by a large amount of medications.