Struggles with self worth and devaluation of my mental illness

Why do I feel so ackward and judged by everyone I come into contact with. IS it because of my past trauma with sexual abuse before I was in elementary school or is it because of the bullying I have endured over my lifetime with a huge emphasis on the last eight years. Do I still view myself as the way many have told me I am before, the ugliest person in the world. Do I fear rejection, even in the slight way by someone looking at the ground if I smile at them. Why has my mental health developed this way and why do so many people view me as not presenting as someone with a mental illness, an attention seeker, and/or a faker of mental illness. These are some of the many thoughts going through my mind. I l now long for someone to acknowledge me even in the slightest way with a smile. My psychotic features of my bipolar keep telling me I am not good enough or I am a horrible person that everyone can tell is one. I know I am not what everyone sees me as and I know that not everyone sees me as an ugly horrible person.

Group therapy gave me hope there are good people out in the world that will want to me there for me in my crazy life that is on a downward spiral through there empathy and understanding of my struggle I am going through. It showed me that not everyone is going to judge me and that someone people will listen to what I have to say and listen to my story and journey through mental health.  

So be a difference maker, be the person that does not judge someone for their struggles, be the person that listen and show empathy toward someone. You may be make a huge impact on someone’s life.