August 3, 2022
As I sit here my mind continues to field the idea that today is the end of my life as I know it. Tomorrow at 1030 at my court hearing everything changes: gone is school although my lawyer says I have to stick it out until my case is over, but I will get kicked out eventually so it is just going to be taxing on my mental health, a constant reminder of what could have been if I didn’t let my mental health get the better of me and if the healthcare system didn’t fail me. Gone is the control of my life, that I no longer feel in control of and my ultimate fate will be decided by people that truly don’t care about what happens to me, only getting justice for something I have no recollection of happening. Gone will be my chance to build a meaningful career, as I will have a record and have a hard time securing work, because people aren’t about giving second chances these days. I only wish that I could find a job making a difference, a difference in mental health and help those people going through a struggle never have to have the healthcare system fail them and something terrible happen as a result. My therapist today told me this is just a bigger plan beyond her or I. And that I have to much of a heart to be in an industry that has failed me and that stigmatizes people with mental health problems. I wish my blog and YouTube were more successful, but I don’t want to give up on them just yet. Soon I may be confined to my home for the foreseeable future unable to do anything, so YouTube and my blog may be my outlet to get though the struggle that is most definitely in my future. I no longer can sit here and let people have complete control over my life. I need to build my empire from the ground up. I need to take what I want not what is given to me. My therapist told me today to right a mission statement and value to statement for the next chapter of my life. When my mission and vision do not change, I want to help people especially though with mental health, I want to end the stigma of mental health, I want to share my story about mental health and the struggles I have gone though. It’s time to find my fight and the strength that everyone that is in my life keeps telling me they see. My family may see me as a failure by them, but I want to change that, and I want my family to see I can overcome and persevere.
how did you court hearing go?
First of all thank you so much for checking out my blog it truly means the world to me. The court hearing didn’t go the best. I will be pleading guilty to charged that I have no recollection of my event that lead to the charges. I don’t know if being on medication that made my bipolar disorder undescribably worse, by making me super manic lead to the event that I have no recollection. I will never know, all I do know is that my life is going to change and I will lose nursing school and never be able to help make a difference in that aspect. I have reach out to organizations for mental health careers and am meet with the same answer that they do not fire people with felonies or felony charges. I still hope that I can find a job where I can help make a difference especially in mental health because I am extremely passionate about mental health. We will see, but I am not facing an uncertainty of potential jail time or home confinement.