August 4, 2022

Today started a new chapter in my life, a very tough chapter in my life. I feel like I have no control over my life. My lawyer tells me to stick with school despite the fact that I will one day be kicked out of the program and the DA continue to attack my mental health. This show the lack of help for those going through a mental health struggle. Instead of helping me get the help I need, they continue to try to break me meantally. This is truly a trying time, a time where I need strength more than ever. My friend that still talks to me from when we worked together, called me tonight concerned because I didn’t text her today, afraid that something bad happened to me. It was nice for someone to care. My mind is trying to play tricks on me and my bipolar mind in at it again. Making me think and wonder what my therapist thinks of me and what truly goes through her mind. Does she think I am mentally a mess, or does she see the good that no one else can? My lawyer discussed how I need to get character letters from my therapist to discuss all the progress I have made and who I am today versus 4 months ago. I feel more problems have come along so how can progress have been made. And how do you really describe progress when it comes to mental health. I keep getting email from people wanting me to apply for jobs, mental health job. They would be my dream, because I would love to change the stigma of mental health and getting help. Would these people be emailing me if they truly knew the struggle I am in and the record that is coming my way? How will anyone ever accept me if I have a record. How can someone ever love someone that is as broken as I see myself as being. I so wish I had control of my life and that I could prove all my doubters wrong and be more successful than them even with a record. I hope to one day change the world and end the stigma of mental health. I hope to one day change the life of someone going through a mental health struggle.