Compassion

With all the negative things happening in my life I have began to loss hope that things will get better. Finding out I got kicked out of school because people had a vengeful motive for going to the President of the nursing department. Today finding out I need to get another Upper Endoscopy because of my swallowing issue form four years ago making a return. Also, my therapist telling me I don’t have a mental illness was a huge blow.

That hope though was restored today. The hope that there are good people that still see the good in me and care about me. It came from an unlike source, but not a truly surprising source. Let me give you a little background on the person. The person is a nurse at the local hospital, and I first meet her when she was a student. I have had other encounters with her over the years through transferring patients, she was my nurse when I got my second endoscopy and was my dad’s nurse in the endoscopy and then radiation oncology. She has always been super sweet and nice to me hence why it wasn’t a total surprise. The surprise came today when I took my dad to an appointment at the hospital and after he was checked out she came over with open arms and said I haven’t seen you in awhile and have be a big hug. Something she had never done before. Little did I know until after she asked my dad extensively about how I was going and if I was in school. Her hug was not because she hadn’t seen me awhile, her hug was instead a hug of compassion, worry, and genuine caring.

This hug made my day better even though I thought it was just a hug because someone hadn’t seen me in a while. The true impact came after I found out the true meaning of the hug. This person went out of there way to give me a hug when others see me as a horrible person.  This hug showed me a level of caring that I haven’t seen since my life started circling the drain. She will never know the impact her gestured had on me, but I hope to one day be able to tell her and I pray that life rewards her with many great things. The thing that is amazing about it is she could easily have done nothing, she didn’t have to show compassion toward me, she didn’t have to be caring or compassion toward me, I wasn’t her patient, and we don’t see each other on the regular. But she choose to act, to show compassion to someone going through a rough time. She is the true image of what a nurse is. She is truly ana amazing person that choose to act when it wasn’t required. I pray I get to one day tell her the impact her action had, but I fear I will never be given that opportunity.

So, Jessica you are an amazing caring and compassionate person that choose not to see that negativity put out there by people trying to tell my story, you instead choose to make your own view of me, a positive view, a view that I am going through a rough patch and just need to know someone cares. So, to you I say thank you and tell you that you are one of the most caring people I have ever meet. I can never repay you or reward you for your action today, but you have forever changed my life. I have always thought you were nice and sweet, but today’s action permanently cemented that for me. I pray I get to tell you one day the positivity you have brought into my life with a simple hug. They say things happen for a reason, well today’s hug came a time where I have been mentally and emotionally beaten down to the point my life is metaphorically circling the drain.

It is amazing how something as small as a hug can have such a huge impact. It amazing how going against the majority and showing compassion and caring toward someone can have a huge impact, an impact you may never know you are making. I have seen this only a select few times in the last 6 months. The first time came from Amanda that I used to work with that still talks to me despite facing ridicule from her coworkers and when her and her daughter got me a birthday present. The second time this happened was today with the hug. She could have easily viewed me how the rest of society views me, but she went against the majority and showed compassion toward me. I think about it and I wonder if with my social anxiety if I would have been able to do the same for another. But, after today and the impact it had on me, I know any future chance I will do the same thing that these two amazing woman have done for me.