My current mental state

This past week has been incredibly difficult for me especially since finding out that I am losing my therapist. Her remark has sent my mental state into a whirlwind of emotions, by simple telling me that losing her is an end to a chapter of my life. I fear the unknown, but I also fear the present because I have become increasingly depend on medications to function throughout the day and I was recently told about someone that was on a lot of medications dying from taking to much and a drug interaction. This is worrisome for me for many reasons first I am taking the dosage of one of my medications that I was given during my inpatient stay without an actual prescription for the dosage. Second because one of my nose sprays is in the same drug class as one of my psych medications and I truly don’t understand my prescription for my nasal spray so I could be overdosing on it. My state has come into questions lately through my talking to the voices in my head and from the verbalization of the thoughts going through my head which are mostly negative views of myself and my situation. My mental struggle is scary because I realize I don’t really have that strong of an immediate support system in place. Most people still view me as a horrible person and someone unworthy of compassion and friendship. Tonight, I got an inquiry on one of my listings on Facebook marketplace from a former coworker’s husband, which immediately sent my mind into negative overdrive thinking about how the former coworker would react when she found out her husband was inquiring about something I have for sale. Another time a former coworker was interested in something I had for sale and wouldn’t buy it because it was my item for sale. It is a scary world for me not really knowing what view people take of me. All I can do in push forward and focus on getting my mental health straight and moving on with my life. I must hope now that the judge next week gives me that opportunity. Many people don’t view my eBay business as having a job, so many people often say when are you going to get a real job it’s about time don’t you think. For me my eBay business is a way to make money, while also focusing on doing everything I can to get my mental health in order, especially with my mental health being in such a scary place right now. Overall though I feel a million times better than I did a year ago and even 6 months ago. And every view and every positive comment on my blog mean the world.