My new reality

My mental health has been a very big struggle for me lately. With the unknown of the outcome of next week and the only certainty of next week being that I will be over $300,000 in debt due to restitution and fines. This is a tough pill to swallow because that is an astronomical amount of money with my earning potential being greatly decreased with losing nursing school and no one wanting to hire someone with such bad charges against them with no definite outcome. Today I learned what two giant triggers are for me that put me into end of my life mode. One being my father talking about how he has so much money now, essentially at my expense and the second being when I talk about the huge amount of debt I will have, his response is, guess you will have to start selling everything off and stop buying anything. Both great responses from someone that is supposed to support you and also someone that I have let live with me and not charged other that contributing to food since the fire. I know many people will say I am wrong for feeling this way, but it hurts. I realize that I need to learn how to make people want to watch my YouTube videos and get more traffic to my blog. Whether the fire was done by me or not I may never truly know other than what the courts are saying because I have no recollection of the fire or setting it. The only thing I do know factual is that at the time I was hyper manic and unable to make sound decision because of being on the wrong medication and my doctor not listening or believing me. The newest journey is about to begin in my life, and it is truly a due or die journey. I have a huge mountain not climb to get the life I both want and deserve. IT is up to me and me alone to figure out how to improve my eBay reselling, get more traffic to my blog, and make better videos on YouTube that people want to watch. This is my journey and my story; I just pray that someone will want to learn about it and show support.