Suicide

Suicide my old friend, you have been with me for as long as I can remember. We have had our high and our lows. You have almost won several times during our life together. You constantly remind me of your present during the day, but I try to maintain the upper advantage over you. So many people think you are my way of not having to take responsibility, but those people are wrong. You instead are something that tries to help me take away immense emotion and mental pain. Other times you creep up when my struggle gets out of control. Most people disregard our relationship by devaluing and labeling me as attention seeking. Others call me selfish as a result of the times you almost won. I am constantly reminded of you every day, when I see the package contain my suicide kit I purchased when you almost won our battle, some part of me you still have control over because I haven’t gained the ability to rid myself of the suicide kit. Good thing for me is I have had two amazing women make a huge impact in my life that have given me the drive to show gratitude toward them and look for others that will be supportive and positive toward me. I know you will never go away completely, and I know we will have our battles, but it is my desire to never let you win or almost win again in my life. The world is so full of stigmas and stereotypes that so many are afraid to tell their stories, but I want to break that stigma and share my story. I may have very little control over my life, but I feel I can save someone’s life with telling my story and fighting the negative people and supporting my friend’s daughter in her struggle with suicidal thoughts and plans. I hate the reaction of people when you talk about suicide. Instantly you are labeled selfish, attention seeking, a liar, crazy, or instantly told you need an inpatient stay. If I did inpatient every suicidal thought, I had I would never be free. Why not instead support someone going through a struggle and help them work through it. Why not end the stigma so people are able to connect with people that have had or are going through a struggle. I remember my first and second suicide attempt, I went to google looking for stories to see how people worked though it and there are few. The one story out there was produced by a media outlet and was highly mediatized.