October 19, 2022

Today has been a huge struggle with my mental health. I am experiencing combination bipolar symptoms. My mind is in a depressed mental state, but my body is in a manic state. I have on several occasions today found myself pacing in the kitchen with no recollection of starting to pace. To try to bring more zen into my life, I purchased a dwarf spruce tree today to try to turn into a bonsai tree. It will be a project for me, but I feel it will give me something to work for and something to get my mind off the negative. With losing my job and school my life lacks structure and I hope my new hobby can be something that can give me some structure. I also am looking forward to making a second attempt at making pour paint art. My first attempt didn’t do the best and the result was not that pretty. It was more of a blob of paint. Tomorrow is therapy again and I am nervous for it because I don’t know how my therapist will be. A little part of me hopes to see the girl there that stops everything to say hi and ask me how I am doing. Only time will tell, but I hope my therapist is super supportive and that I can feel like she cares once again so I can try to work on processing all the trauma that is flooding back into my mind.